For example, conflict can be an opportunity to share your feelings and become closer to your partner. Vulnerability can improve emotional intimacy as it can help your partner understand you better. While couples should try to avoid a repeating pattern of conflict, when conflict is inevitable, they should seek a solution that leaves neither party feeling unfairly treated, hurt, or angry. If the resolution leaves one person feeling slighted or resentful, it can creep into other areas of the relationship. The most critical aspect of conflict affecting the health of a relationship is its resolution.
Tips to Address Commitment Challenges When Caused by Conflict Avoidance
It’s not just romantic partners who can experience conflicted relationships—families can also be in conflict. Additionally, one study found that future perspective is a major factor in determining commitment (Lemay Jr., 2016). Specifically, the research found that those who predicted a favorable relationship and pro-relationship behavior during relationship conflict led to greater relationship satisfaction and investment. Attending couples therapy may help work on specific strategies to solve conflicts in the relationship and also prevent them. Developing specific conflict resolution strategies can help turn disagreements with your partner into growth opportunities for both. “Individuals who are conflict-avoidant tend to expect there will be a negative reaction and avoid even interactions that are healthy conflicts,” she explains.
Emotional Communication
At times, he questioned whether he was meant to have a relationship at all. Jeff reported increased confusion regarding his commitment to his partner Jean. While he deeply cared for her, enjoyed her companionship, and believed they had much in common, he was unable to discuss future plans with her. He would freeze up, say he was just too tired, or find other ways to ignore her request.
Validating feelings
- Similarly, conflict avoidance isn’t good for our working relationships.
- She is a Certified Gottman Therapist and her practice focuses on LGBTQ+, those in open/poly relationships, chronic pain, and sexual health.
- Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.
It’s natural to not always share thoughts and opinions with your partner, or to have arguments from time to time. “When trying to resolve an argument, it is important to validate the feelings your partner has before trying to correct any misperceptions or misunderstandings,” says Brazzel. Sometimes emotions can come out full force when you’re feeling challenged on that stance, though.
Avoiding conflict in relationships typically occurs because we want to maintain a sense of harmony. Unfortunately, conflict avoidance creates only superficial harmony. Gottman recommends that couples avoid criticism, blame, and defensiveness during conflict and approach issues softly and validate each other’s concerns. Research shows that these principles effectively improve marital satisfaction and reduce marriage problems. For people who have a fear of confrontation in relationships, what they are fearful of is big emotions. You avoid conflict because you tend to become the conflict avoidant partner as it serves the purpose of protecting you from something you fear.
If you are only thinking about what you think will work without taking your partner’s suggestions into consideration, they might feel that you are ignoring or invalidating them. It also could get in the way of a productive—and efficient—resolution to the problem. As you are speaking with your partner, stay how to deal with someone who avoids conflict aware of how you are feeling as you are speaking. If you can feel that you are tensing up, your voice might become raised or your tone aggressive. Saying “You have to solve this problem” could make it seem like you aren’t taking responsibility for your part and leaving all the work up to your partner.
Conflict avoidance in relationships: What is it and why does it happen?
From here, they can begin to identify and redirect damaging behavior patterns. Here are some ways to effectively manage a relationship with avoidant attachment. The four attachment styles represent a person’s internalized subjective experience of how it emotionally feels to be close and connected in relationships. This refers to how someone attaches to and bonds with others, and a person’s style is often greatly impacted by their upbringing and life experiences. Four core attachment styles exist, and today we’re zeroing in specifically on avoidant attachment. The more you avoid conflict, the less heard and understood you begin to feel.
Learn about healthy conflict management
Active listening plays a pivotal role in conflict resolution as it demonstrates genuine interest in understanding the perspectives of others. Moreover, empathy allows individuals to relate to and understand the emotions and experiences of those with differing viewpoints, fostering a sense of unity rather than discord. By embracing these principles, individuals and organizations can foster harmonious relationships and mitigate the negative impacts of unresolved conflicts. You might think that by avoiding potential conflict that you have a good relationship. It sounds good to be the couple that never fights but couples who tend to avoid conflict often still find themselves in counseling. The problem or hurt feelings remain they just don’t get communicated or resolved.